Dan's Restraining Order Hell Story

I was asked to post this to Restraining Order Blog By Dan.
This is Dan's Restraining Order Hell Story from his Blog.
Thank You Dan !
I am sure many of our Blog readers can relate to the hell these well meaning, but unfair Domestic Violence Laws can cause to our Families, and to us!



"As many know, my wife of 20 years filed false claims against me of violent abuse against her one unforgetable day in August of this year.

Molly, my wife, did this in order to acquire a tactical advantage in a divorice she clearly wants that I was completely unaware of until she filed a retraining order against me that prevents me from having any contact whatsovever with my daughter as well, whose name is Hayley.

My wife told her free army of legal professionals that she suspects that child abuse was occuring by me against Hayley. This particular claim is far more absurd than the abuse claims Molly made about me, which included a claim by Molly that I tried to kill her one night.

So of course, I ended up in jail in the first time of my 43 years soon after these false allegations were made against me by Molly. The second night I was in jail, I decided to write Hayley a letter.

Now, writing Hayley fractures the restraining order falsely issued against me, since this is contacting Hayley in this manner. But since I was already in jail, I really was not concerned about breaking this abusive enforcement of psychotic laws now against me.

As I wrote her that night, I was not the fun dad I usually am with Hayley due to my state of mind. However, I never wrote anything to Hayley indicating hatred or anger towards her mother, Molly. Nor did I, in my words to Hayley, debate her mother's false accusations against me.

My undergrad is in child psychology, and I learned with my education that it is never a good idea to attack a parent in any way during a split of the parents, which is what is occuring with our family right now. So I wrote to Hayley that I will always love her mother because her mother gave Hayley to me almost 12 years ago. This is the woman who put me in jail.

I also wrote to Hayley that the destruction happening to our family right now is difficult to understand for both of us, but we should try and grasp this situation together in time. I told Hayley with my writing to her that I loved and missed her, and that I hoped she would write me back soon.

I mailed this letter to her grandparent's house. These are Molly's parents, and are very wonderful people who have been married for more than 60 years. They understand the importance of a father in a child's life.

I only mailed this letter to Hayley after trading my breakfast the next day in order to get a stamped envelope from another inmate.

Hayley wrote me back soon afterwards, and I was thrilled beyond belief. Yet her letter understandably was cautious. She shared a bit with me about school and her friends. What really got me was the end of her letter to me:

P.S. Daddy- everything is going to be OK, no matter what....

I cried when I read this from her. She understands more than I fully realize about my own frame of mind, and what is happening to our family right now. I shed tears as I recall this that she wrote. She wrecked her father, and this is not the first time.

So my next letter to Hayley was much more jovial than my initial letter to her:

Dear Hayley....Hey, guess what? We are pen pals now.....YAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!

Then I went on to tell her how cool she is. I discussed what she wanted to be for halloween. I effortlessly made her laugh what I wrote to her in this letter. The words I shared with Hayley came from my heart.

Her next letter to me was much more upbeat. She was thrilled that we were pen pals now. She expressed clearly how happy she was that she was getting mail from her daddy now. This made me comforted greatly. I was at peace with her emotional and mental state now.

The next letter composed by me to Hayley was apparently as enjoyable to her as she read this. The letter included beautiful drawings from Tommy, my cell mate in jail. This letter also included acts that Hayley and I frequently do to each other when we are together:

High five, girlfriend!
Big hug from dad!
Forehead kiss!

Hayley put the drawings by Tommy that I mailed to her on her school locker walls, she told me in her writing to me afterwards.

Tommy, my cell mate artist during that time, is a 22 year old homeless guy who was in jail for assault on another adult. He had been homeless for much of his life. And Tommy did have anger issues. It took me about 2 weeks to gain his trust. Once this happened, I discussed with Tommy more benign outlets for his anger urges, and the importance of thinking before acting. Tommy also has done illegal drugs, so we discussed the impact of such drugs on his health and behavior.

I'm in jail with Tommy due to accusations that I'm a violent person- accusations against my wife from my wife. Yet I'm doing anger management with guys like Tommy.

Irony and surrealism were banging on my cell door with this reality at the time.

My family is destroyed. My family is gone. I have to learn to live with this. Yet this dialogue with Hayley is a very positive element to what is happening to our family. I was able to achieve and create joy simply by establishing a pen pal relationship with Hayley.

It has been said that great humor has an apex of great pain. I understand this more clearly now.

As I was released from jail, I was told never to write my daughter again. This violates the restraining order, the judge told me. I'm still in shock by this order to me by the judge via my wife's free prosecutor. I create joy in the middle of great pain, and I'm told to discontinue creating such joy.

This is unacceptable, this order against me with such acts. I'm being punished for loving my daughter. I'm being punished for assuring the well being of Hayley mentally and emotionally.

These are the laws that exist in our country, and they must be discontinued.

Thank you for reading this.
Posted by Quiact at 5:42 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Daughter
As many know, my wife of 20 years filed false claims against me of violent abuse against her one unforgetable day in August of this year.

Molly, my wife, did this in order to acquire a tactical advantage in a divorice she clearly wants that I was completely unaware of until she filed a retraining order against me that prevents me from having any contact whatsovever with my daughter as well, whose name is Hayley.

My wife told her free army of legal professionals that she suspects that child abuse was occuring by me against Hayley. This particular claim is far more absurd than the abuse claims Molly made about me, which included a claim by Molly that I tried to kill her one night.

So of course, I ended up in jail in the first time of my 43 years soon after these false allegations were made against me by Molly. The second night I was in jail, I decided to write Hayley a letter.

Now, writing Hayley fractures the restraining order falsely issued against me, since this is contacting Hayley in this manner. But since I was already in jail, I really was not concerned about breaking this abusive enforcement of psychotic laws now against me.

As I wrote her that night, I was not the fun dad I usually am with Hayley due to my state of mind. However, I never wrote anything to Hayley indicating hatred or anger towards her mother, Molly. Nor did I, in my words to Hayley, debate her mother's false accusations against me.

My undergrad is in child psychology, and I learned with my education that it is never a good idea to attack a parent in any way during a split of the parents, which is what is occuring with our family right now. So I wrote to Hayley that I will always love her mother because her mother gave Hayley to me almost 12 years ago. This is the woman who put me in jail.

I also wrote to Hayley that the destruction happening to our family right now is difficult to understand for both of us, but we should try and grasp this situation together in time. I told Hayley with my writing to her that I loved and missed her, and that I hoped she would write me back soon.

I mailed this letter to her grandparent's house. These are Molly's parents, and are very wonderful people who have been married for more than 60 years. They understand the importance of a father in a child's life.

I only mailed this letter to Hayley after trading my breakfast the next day in order to get a stamped envelope from another inmate.

Hayley wrote me back soon afterwards, and I was thrilled beyond belief. Yet her letter understandably was cautious. She shared a bit with me about school and her friends. What really got me was the end of her letter to me:

P.S. Daddy- everything is going to be OK, no matter what....

I cried when I read this from her. She understands more than I fully realize about my own frame of mind, and what is happening to our family right now. I shed tears as I recall this that she wrote. She wrecked her father, and this is not the first time.

So my next letter to Hayley was much more jovial than my initial letter to her:

Dear Hayley....Hey, guess what? We are pen pals now.....YAAAAYYYYYY!!!!!

Then I went on to tell her how cool she is. I discussed what she wanted to be for halloween. I effortlessly made her laugh what I wrote to her in this letter. The words I shared with Hayley came from my heart.

Her next letter to me was much more upbeat. She was thrilled that we were pen pals now. She expressed clearly how happy she was that she was getting mail from her daddy now. This made me comforted greatly. I was at peace with her emotional and mental state now.

The next letter composed by me to Hayley was apparently as enjoyable to her as she read this. The letter included beautiful drawings from Tommy, my cell mate in jail. This letter also included acts that Hayley and I frequently do to each other when we are together:

High five, girlfriend!
Big hug from dad!
Forehead kiss!

Hayley put the drawings by Tommy that I mailed to her on her school locker walls, she told me in her writing to me afterwards.

Tommy, my cell mate artist during that time, is a 22 year old homeless guy who was in jail for assault on another adult. He had been homeless for much of his life. And Tommy did have anger issues. It took me about 2 weeks to gain his trust. Once this happened, I discussed with Tommy more benign outlets for his anger urges, and the importance of thinking before acting. Tommy also has done illegal drugs, so we discussed the impact of such drugs on his health and behavior.

I'm in jail with Tommy due to accusations that I'm a violent person- accusations against my wife from my wife. Yet I'm doing anger management with guys like Tommy.

Irony and surrealism were banging on my cell door with this reality at the time.

My family is destroyed. My family is gone. I have to learn to live with this. Yet this dialogue with Hayley is a very positive element to what is happening to our family. I was able to achieve and create joy simply by establishing a pen pal relationship with Hayley.

It has been said that great humor has an apex of great pain. I understand this more clearly now.

As I was released from jail, I was told never to write my daughter again. This violates the restraining order, the judge told me. I'm still in shock by this order to me by the judge via my wife's free prosecutor. I create joy in the middle of great pain, and I'm told to discontinue creating such joy.

This is unacceptable, this order against me with such acts. I'm being punished for loving my daughter. I'm being punished for assuring the well being of Hayley mentally and emotionally.

These are the laws that exist in our country, and they must be discontinued.

Thank you for reading this.
Posted by Quiact at 7:43 PM 0 comments Links to this post
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Fight
In the past two months, I've received false accusations that began with claims of violent spousal abuse by my former wife of 20 years. As a result, I have experienced criminal arrest, incarceration, conviction, and loss of freedom. I've also discovered that the color orange of the inmate attire is definitely not a good color for me.

I've been denied access to my 11 year old daughter entirely. The pain of this particular injury is indescribable.

I was rapidly removed from my own home. So I'm now homeless, unemployed, and am now living out of my one remaining asset out of what was thousands of dollars of assets. This would be my 500 dollar car. Fortunately, I learned some tips from those I met in jail who are homeless themselves. There are many of them.

My primary concern since this has occured with me is the safety and well-being of my daughter. In fact, men typically do not leave an abusive relationship themselves because they often fear for their child's safety- along with potentially losing their relationship with their children.

Gender biased stereotypes have ultimately placed me at the mercy of those in this pathetic family law system we have in this country who absolutely know nothing about me. They do not care to know me.

The following was retrieved from www.mediaradar.org, '50 Domestic Violence Myths':

Women are just as likely as men to engage in partner aggression, according to hundreds of studies. Partner violence, if it happens, is often mutual. Self defense accounts for only fifteen percent or so of partner aggression.

Less than five percent of domestic violence incidents involve couples in an intact marital relationship, such as mine was. Studies show marriage is clearly the safest partner relationship. In fact, most cases of family conflict do not involve physical violence at all. Mine never did.

I have a restraining order against me now. Over 2/3 of restraining orders issued are determined to be either unnecessary or false. Also, these orders do not prevent future violence from occuring. In fact, restraining orders may encourage violence. Also, if I attempt to reconcile any conflict with my former spouse, I will get arrested. If I send my daughter a birthday card, I will be in jail. I've not spoken with or seen my wife or daughter in over two months now. Yet I've been arrested often during this time.

There is overt gender bias in the family law system that exists today. For example, if a man kills his wife, he will get about 20 years in prison, as he should. However, if a woman kills her husband, she will get about 5 years in prison. The etiology for this gap reflects the gender bias that exists. Also, in divorice court, women are granted sole custody of their children about 65 percent higher rate than men. There is in fact a frightening fatherhood crisis in our country in particular. All modesty aside, as a dad, I completely rock out loud.

I'm a victim of domestic abuse myself. I suffered over a decade of brutal physical and emotional child abuse that you likely do not want to know the details behind this fact. However, the propaganda fed to our society by certain womens and victim advocacy groups must be stopped, and clarified by the facts.

Meanwhile, I suggest that others stay out of this system. Resolve your disputes through negotiation. Do not be compelled to share your dirty laundry with these anti-family law enforcers. Do not be forced to fight for your rights in such an unfortunate situation as mine in a courtroom. By that time, it is too late.

I'm presently losing this battle, but I continue to stand up after I've been slammed to the ground several times already. I'll stand up again.

Such family court and legal intervention is often used by others as a weapon or tactic that is freely available for them to utilize, and such people are likely mentally flawed, if not entirely absent of a soul.

I'm not angry or hateful about what is happening to me- this surreal nightmare that has manifested into a bizarre reality. I will not lower myself to be this way ever. And I will also never live in fear as a result of what is happening to me. If I do become fearful, I will lose this fight completely. And this is a fight I cannot lose. I love my daughter way too much.

So I likely will be in jail again. This is just a fact about my life now. That's OK, though. Because some battles need to be fought, and the results can lead to suffering.

So I fight.
Posted by Quiact at 9:35 AM 0 comments Links to this post
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Hell
The following was composed by me at 3 a.m. this morning at a flea market where I await to be a vendor. Why? Because less than three weeks ago, my wife of 20 years, who I have known for 30 years, filed a restraining order against me for absolutely nothing. She claimed abuse and violence from me against her. I never have caused, or threatened, abuse or violence against my wife. I'm selling what few possessions I have in order to eat. I am unemployed, and sleeping in my car now:

I kid you not. The order is possible due to the Violence Against Women Act Of 1994. Clinton was looking for votes to get re-elected, so he got them from radical feminists who have the atonomy to punish those as myself based on the weakest evidence there is, which is hearsay. A woman can simply walk in to a law enforcement institution, and say that she is scared of her spouse, and he will get, and they will encourage, a restraining order.

Shock and devastation are very weak words to decribe fully how I feel presently. This nightmare continues- this surreal abyss.

The day after my wife prevented me from entering my home, or seeing my daughter with this restraining order, my wife vacated my home with most of its contents and moved in with her lesbian drug addict lover. Another unknown.

We have an 11 year old daughter I greatly love. I now cry nightly, and cry with great strength, due to what has been inflicted upon me with deliberate intent by one who is most intimate with me. I thought. I cry due to my longing and concern for my daughter.

Due to my state of mind at the time, I violated repeatedly the restraining order I was given that I did not, and do not, acknowledge, within days. I did this by attempting to email my wife, as well as care for my vacant home due to my restriction from both due to this absurd Act.

As a result, I was arrested, and put in the worst county jail in their psych unit. I had never been to jail or arrested in the past, so the feel of cold metal against my wrists and ankles, along with colder metal bars in front of me instead of most welcome sunshine, was most unpleasant. This lasted for an entire week.

Passion and salesmanship, along with tactical planning, reduced my sentence to a week from 60 days. A reminder- I committed no crime.

I considered writing this note soon after this awful life stressor, but considered myself days afterwards void of objectivity to annotate aseptically until this time.

Here is what one should consider when a psychopath atrophies you in such a way:

Finances-

Likely, you and your spouse are in a lot of financial debt if you get issued a restraining order. Your spouse gets a cheap divorice through the Violence Against Women Act, and the spouse assures custody of any children- along with other tactical advantages regarding the divorice your spouse likely will file against you.

Guess what? Likely, you will get issued a restraining order for weeks initially, that will manifest into an entire year due to this Act from hell. So likely, you become exonerated from any financial debt concerns in large part because you cannot respond to those you owe. No one relevant to this can contact you due to the order.

The ones you owe likely do not know how to reach you after you receive a restraining order. Those you owe should not contact you at work. You may be financially relieved due to this restraining order against you. Likely, your spouse will file for bankruptcy for joint debt, and that is that.

Custody-

Im a terrific father with great joy to my daughter as I managed a very unstable and substandard mother of this fantastic girl. Due to my gender, there is not a chance in hell I'll get custody of my daughter after a divorice. So here is what you may want to consider doing: Likely, your spouse that implemented this cruelty upon you is plain evil. This spouse likely has evil friends of their gender.


Cautiously, know where these evil friends of your spouse live. Likely, some of these friends use illegal drugs, or are abusers themselves. Find out when your spouse brings your child at the location of such friends for various reasons.

At that time, call the police, and make a report. You will not commit perjury by doing this. Say you hear screams from the friend's house- or smell something metallic, or smell pot. Anything like this. Be creative. Be intelligent.

Choose the friends of your spouse wisely. If you are lucky, cops arrive at the friend's house and busts the friend for such crimes mentioned earlier. Since your offspring are at this house during the bust, they are put in state custody. And guess what? The Division Of Family Services contacts you to retrive your offspring, my friend. They will reach you, most likely. This game plan is a stretch, but worth considering.

I'm not a vindictive person. I care about the utopic well-being of my daughter. As such, I'm tactically planning though my tremendous pain presently. This is why I share this with you."