Here is a letter we just received, seeking advice.
Hello,
My name is _ and I have a situation I need guidance with. My friend, Rob, was served with a restraining order on 7/12/2012 by his baby's, Clayton, mother. She served this to him for the second time to retrieve her son. She is under investigation with CPS for drug abuse and failing to be able to take care of her 1 year old son, Clayton. She received this restraining order by stating Rob pulled a gun on her, during a fight they had back on 5/9/2012 where she hit him. That DV case was dropped because my friend Rob failed to stand up in court. She falsified information in there regarding who should have custody of Clayton. My friend Rob just handed Clayton over to her without even calling the police. So, now she has Clayton with her and Rob has a restraining order, and up until last night, I was supposed to be restrained from going within 500 feet of her or Clayton, but the King County Sheriff said their copy does not have my name written in it at all and there is nothing about giving Clayton to her for custody. The first restraining order she filed said Rob was sneaking around her back yard with a gun and she was scared for her, and her children's lives. When she tried to pull this again by taking Clayton with that restraining order, Rob called the police. The police said she lied and the restraining order does not enforce that Clayton goes to her and she should take it to court. Where she showed up late and the restraining order was thrown out. I am unsure what to do, I called last night for a well child check on Clayton because of some information I got from her neighbor. Which turned up nothing, because no one was home.
Any advice you can give will be greatly appreciated. I am not sure what to do, I am not his mother, but I still love him. He can't fend for himself, and my friend Rob is beside himself as to what to do.
My question is this - Did CPS place custody of Clayton with Rob, or with the mother. IF CPS is investigating her for Drug Use, it is common to place the child AWAY from the Drug Addicted parent. If she used the restraining order system to illegally obtain custody of the child, she may get hit for kidnapping charges.
ReplyDeleteShe is under investigation for drug abuse, and has failed to take her mandatory drug tests. My friend has taken all his, and the case worker from CPS said the child is safer in his custody.
DeleteThis is written almost incoherently. Restraining orders do not determine custody, unless the child has an RO against the parent, or vice versa. Even if the father was arrested for violence, custody does not change automatically, the mother would have to go to family ourt for legal custody orders.
ReplyDeleteThis is confusing: "That DV case was dropped because my friend Rob failed to stand up in court." Rob was charged with... what? and the case was dropped because he didn't show up in court? Or did the mother accuse him of something? Could you clarify this?
Being under investigation by CPS means very little, I am afraid. The bar is very high for CPS to remove a child.
Regarding: "up until last night, I was supposed to be restrained from going within 500 feet of her or Clayton..." Who told you that? Have you been served with papers? Did Rob tell you that?
What is it you are trying to accomplish? You want Rob to have custody? Could you clearly state why you think that's best, and what restraining orders are in place now?
-amanda
I know it sounds weird. I tried my best to sum up what's been going on. I do appreciate your questions. The restraining order she filed had a section in it, which looked doctored that stated Clayton is to reside with her, the mother. We believe she added this after the judge/commissioner signed the restraining order.
DeleteRob showed up to the DV hearing and she was in court discussing (before the judge came in) with him her parenting plan. She agreed to give him anything he wanted if he did not follow through with the order. In his mind all he wanted is for Clayton to be safe, and her to get help. So he didn't stand up when his name was called. When I found out I told him it was a huge mistake and she will not give him anything he wants.
My husband called the Sheriff in that county and found out from them the restraining order was against Rob and no one else, the copy she gave Rob had my name in it to be restrained from Clayton.
I am trying to make sure Clayton is in the safest place to be raised. His mother needs help, and she states she doesn't have a drug problem. She was offered in house drug counseling through the state and she refused. She has other kids who are out of control (7 and 10), sneaking out of the house, running the streets until 12am, swearing at whoever they don't like, and usually left alone. Rob clearly needs to get a guardian ad litem to help determine who Clayton should live with. But he is 1 and can't speak for himself and before Rob left her he was underweight. Now that Rob has been on his own with him he is now healthy and as active as a 1 year old should be.
I think a DV charge was filed against the Mom for hitting Rob, but because he did not show up in Domestic Violence Court, the State had no choice but to drop charges against the Mom.
ReplyDeleteThis is quite common when restraining order cases are involved.
The couple kisses and makes up, and refuses to testify against the other.
Ah, yes, I have been through this myself. My husband's ex did this. This is one of the many reasons I found this blog!
ReplyDeleteOk, putting all the restraining order crap aside, if Rob wants custody, in King County, he should Google King County Family Law and file a petition for custody. He can do this himself, there are counselors that can help him. He'll have to list all the reasons he believes this is in the best interest of the child. He should have supporting documentation and statements for what he's saying. He should demonstrate that he has a safe place for where the child could live. He should list the problems with the mother, including documentation. Do not make wild accusations for which you have no proof.
-amanda
Hey Amanda,
DeleteI appreciate your comments. It is really hard getting proof, but the only proof Rob has, is him. He was involved in the same activities as the mother, but has been clean for over 2 months now. The police know who she is and when he got Clayton back in May the police referred to her as the "druggie" that lives on the corner. It is really hard to get help when there are so many users out there and the police, and CPS (like you said) can't chase after every drug addict parent. I fear Clayton will find himself unattended and put something in his mouth, and choke or climb on something he shouldn't, and fall off. Or she takes to much of whatever she taking and forgets where she is or loses it on the kids.
Regarding Proof: If Rob can go and get monthly urine tests or whatever for two months to show he's clean before he files the papers, that would help a lot. So, it's more about Rob looking good than making the mom look bad. Based on what you've said here, she sounds unstable and might just self-destruct.
DeleteRob should document everything: Keep a notebook with dates, like a dayplanner or whatever, note every contact he has with her, every phone call, every thing he does for the child (picked her up, fed her breakfast, spoke to her teacher), every thing everything to the point of insanity. He will be able to show with this document: 1. That he's organized and good at taking notes (this actually seems to count). 2. That he is an active and involved parent. 3. That every interaction with the mother = trouble, that she either accuses him of a crime or otherwise police intervention is needed. If the mother did in fact alter the restraining order, document that as well.
"So he didn't stand up when his name was called. When I found out I told him it was a huge mistake and she will not give him anything he wants." You're right, this was a huge mistake. Can't go back, though.
The restraining orders are the least of your problems-- if you feel the child is in danger, file for custody.
That last comment was me, Amanda. I thought of one other thing: Rob should have been served with papers when she got an RO against him. He would have had to go to court. It is really weird that she is the one who gave Rob the RO, possibly doctored. I mean, she's afraid enough to get the RO against him, but then seeks him out to serve it? And the court accepted that as service? This is kind of shady. You said that Rob called the Sheriff to talk about the RO. Did you see him do this? Basically, I would want to know if Rob is telling you everything, if I were you, but my experiences have made me very suspicious/cynical, so take that with a grain of salt. :)
DeleteWe checked with the courts on Monday to see what they had for the restraining order, and it matched? Which I don't understand because one of her statements she put at the end, "she gets custody of Clayton and law enforcement will help her get him back" seems unreal that a judge would sign that. We have court tomorrow, and we turned in all the responses and declarations from several parties on Monday. We can only hope and pray that the judge sees a problem and appoints a GAL for Clayton. Yes, she was there when he was served with the order, but she didn't give the courts a return of service. You are exactly right, A, our goal is to make sure the courts see that my friend is the best custodial parent at this time. Making her look bad isn't the objective, Clayton's well being is.
DeleteThank you for all your comments. This has really helped put my mind at ease for the time being.
Here in the Tampa Florida area, we have what used to be called HRS. I guess it is the equivalent of CPS in Washington State ?
ReplyDeleteAll someone has to do is call, and report the drug use of a custodial parent, and they will send out an investigator who may drug test the parent on the Spot!
Laws are different, in different states I suppose.
No one wants to see any child endangered by a drug addicted parent. I think if it were me, I would get as many people as I could to call the authorities, if you feel the child is in danger.
Every drug addict must hit what is called a Bottom before recovery from drug addiction is possible.
Perhaps the loss of her child will be Her Bottom, who knows ?
But one thing is for sure, she can't be any kind of a mother to the child, if her life is consumed with getting and using drugs.
Hi Chris.I tried this and I was told by CPS (child protective services) if the child is not being abused, has food, has clothes, and no sexual abuse then they can't just step in because of drug use. Once they knew the child was underweight at one of his doctors appointments, they stepped in and assigned a case worker. Our laws might be a little bit different, but at least CPS is involved now.
ReplyDeleteYou are very welcome! Restraining Orders can be a nightmare, for those going through them.
ReplyDeletePeople always have several unanswered questions, that stress them out.
Thank You for sharing your experience as to how a restraining order has effected you with our readers.
And thanks to Amanda, and the others who posted in this thread.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteSure, please share our restraining order blog with your Twitter Group, and any with others you choose.
ReplyDeleteIn the separation of a couple, it is quite common for a Divorce Attorney to coach the Woman to get a restraining order against her soon to be ex husband.
Chris, just FYI, the anonymous poster only posted that so that it would look like you linked to their page. They're faking out Google with comment spam. There is no Twitter group. Delete!
ReplyDeleteI need help! My son is a drug addict who continuously comes to our home and steals anything of vslue! Can we take a resraining order out to prevent him from coming to our home?
ReplyDelete