I just received an Email from a reader of this Blog.
He is seeking our advice on what to do about a temporary order of protection In New York City he did not ask for. The 2 incidences occurred in Manhattan he says, and his information must be complete, so he can obtain a Gun Permit.
I am not familiar with the NYC or Manhattan Legal System. I was hoping one of our readers could help him track down the TPO information..
I came across your site while trying to find information on restraining orders in NYC I was a peace officer in NYC for five years (unarmed but with full arrest powers) I was assigned to several different shelters in the city and we made a good amount of arrests during this 5 years, most were misdemeanors but some were felonies. Make a long story short I was twice assualted while making the arrest. Both guys were "bad" guys just released from prison and with no where to go ended up in the shelters. When I arrested these indiviuals I was assualted and the district attorney's office gave me an order of protection in both cases. I did not request the TPO but I received it anyway. I do not remember the guy's name or even the arrest dates but they both took place in Manhattan between 1998 - 2000. Now I recently went to apply for a NYC pistol license and right there on the paperwork is questions about restaining orders. I need to find out all of the information about the TRO issued to me for the application. I do not know where to go to find out the info. Is there a web site or number I can call? Thanks for any help you can offer
It is our policy to publish letters we get asking questions about restraining orders, if the sender gives us permission. We do change the names a bit, to protect a persons right to privacy.
Here is a letter we just received, seeking advice.
Hello,
My name is _ and I have a situation I need guidance with. My friend, Rob, was served with a restraining order on 7/12/2012 by his baby's, Clayton, mother. She served this to him for the second time to retrieve her son. She is under investigation with CPS for drug abuse and failing to be able to take care of her 1 year old son, Clayton. She received this restraining order by stating Rob pulled a gun on her, during a fight they had back on 5/9/2012 where she hit him. That DV case was dropped because my friend Rob failed to stand up in court. She falsified information in there regarding who should have custody of Clayton. My friend Rob just handed Clayton over to her without even calling the police. So, now she has Clayton with her and Rob has a restraining order, and up until last night, I was supposed to be restrained from going within 500 feet of her or Clayton, but the King County Sheriff said their copy does not have my name written in it at all and there is nothing about giving Clayton to her for custody. The first restraining order she filed said Rob was sneaking around her back yard with a gun and she was scared for her, and her children's lives. When she tried to pull this again by taking Clayton with that restraining order, Rob called the police. The police said she lied and the restraining order does not enforce that Clayton goes to her and she should take it to court. Where she showed up late and the restraining order was thrown out. I am unsure what to do, I called last night for a well child check on Clayton because of some information I got from her neighbor. Which turned up nothing, because no one was home.
Any advice you can give will be greatly appreciated. I am not sure what to do, I am not his mother, but I still love him. He can't fend for himself, and my friend Rob is beside himself as to what to do.
Every American wants Romance and Love, and most of us will do anything to save our failing relationships. All of our lives we are bombarded with mixed messages of how to have a relationship, and win someone's Love. Unfortunately, when Big Brother gets involved, the things that worked before, like sending a box of Candy or Flowers, or apologizing in Person, can get you arrested for Stalking!
It is only Human Nature when you Love someone, to try and find out and fix what you perceive to be wrong with the relationship. You might even ask some mutual friends what they think went wrong with the relationship. This can get you arrested for third party contact, if a restraining order is in place. Do it twice here in Tampa Florida, and you qualify for Stalking! Now, do it 3 times, and guess what ?
You are now eligible for Felony Stalking!
Unconsciously, many of us are conditioned to become Stalkers, w/o our knowledge. Many Love Stories in our Literature are full of heroic efforts by one partner, to win the Love of another.
"I'm pretty sure the reason stalking incidents have gone up so significantly is because the definition of stalking has changed. Twenty years ago, if you broke up with someone and they tried to get you back, sending you flowers, candy, calling unexpectedly, showing up at your house or work, that was just called romantic. Look at the movie "Say Anything" for example, the famous ghetto blaster scene. By today's standards the dude would be arrested. Now a days if you ask a woman out twice you could get tagged as a stalker.
This is not to say there aren't real incidents of obsessive stalking. You hear about it in the news all the time. I know a few women who it's happened to and it's seriously creepy. But I'm sure most of the incidents reported are simply ordinary run-of-the-mill jilted lovers who take a few weeks to realize the five year relationship is really over. And of course in our paranoid culture, these incidents are red-flagged as stalking. I guess what I'm saying is that I doubt there's been an increase in stalking lately. It's just that there's a name and a stigma for it now. There's also been a dramatic increase in fines for failure to wear a seatbelt in the past 30 years, mostly because it wasn't considered a crime in the past.
By this modern definition, pretty much any break-up song is a stalker song. Anyone who's ever loved someone deeply enough and is not over it the instant the relationship ends, calling, begging, pleading, holding onto hope, is a stalker. Situations like this should be differntiated from the obsessive, creepy, violent, intrusive kind of stalking that's the real problem in today's culture. If this were the case, I'm sure the numbers would be far less than 8%."
Just my opinion.
-Kevin
Let's examine some of these Songs about Stalking (most were number 1 Hits!)
In the video below, he is Stalking the girl he loves.
Here is a Country Singer Clay Aiken talking quite clearly about Stalking in the video below!
Let's not forget about our friend Sting who used to be with the Police, before he went Solo, LOL
If he did the Stalking he advocates in this song, he would be with the Police again, but in Handcuffs this time, Listen to the words, and remember this song, and the ones posted above, were all big hits!
Here is a recent song about Stalking In America by Lady Gaga. It shows that Women must have Stalking thoughts too, because in the song she says she will follow and chase her man down until he Loves her.
Our Songs are full of references to simple persistence, that can now be called Stalking. Here is one from my generation. I was 13 when this song came out.
Or this one by (Gasp) a very pretty woman, Debbie Harry of Blondie! She says in the song she will drive past his house, to see who's around! This was a huge number one hit, back in the day. The words to this song are sung very clearly.
Lets look at some of the lyrics in this song, she is talking about Stalking and Murder! I will drive past your house And if the lights are all down I'll see who's around
And if the lights are all out I'll follow your bus downtown See who's hanging out
I'll walk down the mall Stand over by the wall Where I can see it all Find out who ya call Lead you to the supermarket checkout Some specials and rat food, get lost in the crowd
I really like this song. I used to dance to is a lot, back in the early 80's. But that doesn't mean I can't recognize a stalker song when I hear one. This starts as a song about wanting to be with someone and seems to turn into a kidnapping. Ouch!
You are an obsession, I cannot sleep I am a possession unopened at your feet There is no balance, no equality Be still I will not accept defeat
I will have you, yes I will have you I will find a way and I will have you Like a butterfly, a wild butterfly I will collect you and capture you
CHORUS You are an obsession, you're my obsession Who do you want me to be to make you sleep with me [repeat]
I feed you, I drink you by day and by night I need you, I need you by sun or candlelight You protest, you want to leave You say there's no alternative
Your face appears again, I see the beauty there But I see danger, stranger beware A circumstance in your naked dreams Your affection is not what it seems
CHORUS
My fantasy has turned to madness All my goodness has turned to badness My need to possess you has consumed my soul My life is trembling, I have no control
I will have you, yes I will have you I will find a way and I will have you Like a butterfly, a wild butterfly I will collect you and capture you
